Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
