so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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