Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
