I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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