Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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