At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
