hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
