No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
