So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
