tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
