Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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