he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk is a universal language darling
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
