We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
