Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
