question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
