Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
