I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
