No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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