I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so much tequila, so little girl.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
