Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
