dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
