I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
