Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
