No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
