Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
