He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
