worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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