My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
