Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize