I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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