I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
