cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
