Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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