The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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