dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
