I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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