I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
