how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
