seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
