a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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