Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
