It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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