I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
