That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found the puke drawer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize