and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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