even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
