if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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