I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
