don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
