it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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