I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
