Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
