You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
