I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
