i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
