Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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