saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
