1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
