Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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