I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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