New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize