i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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