i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
