I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hippo gnu deer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
