I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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