She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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