they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
