i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They have beer where we have blood.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
