she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
