So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
